Ginger Holczer, PsyD

Do you find when you are arguing with your significant other that you often don't hear what the other person says because you are busy thinking about how you are going to respond? Many times, this is the pattern that couples get into--then both people walking away feeling hurt and unheard. In one of my earlier posts, I discussed listening as a component to fighting fair. Here's a few tips aimed at a better way to listen:

If you are busy and can't give the person your full attention, say so. It's okay to say, "I can't give you my full attention right now, but I will gladly listen _________ (give a specific time).
Listen with the intent of trying to hear what the person is trying to say. Ask questions--it means you are interested and engaged.
Try listening with an empathetic ear. Make an attempt to put yourself in the other person's shoes.
Listen without the expectation of responding. Make the goal to hear the other person, instead of what the response is going to be.

Give it a go! Chances are you will both walk away feeling better for having taken the time to talk to each other!